1221-CommandersReport

Commander Report

MarsLog: 2014.12.21

Death on Mars

Last night was a very tough evening after receiving some very tragic

personal news and the possible death of loved ones. This is my third

mission at MDRS and I have faced many physical challenges living in

analog isolation and confinement but last night was a totally

different experience … a real tough psychological challenge to face

not only as a crew member but also as the Commander.

Death is a hard subject.

Commandership is still tougher whether death occurs in front of you or

many millions of miles away on Mars. The sense of overwhelming

hopelessness to control the situation envelops you and for an instant

you understand what it is to be human, to be able to feel human… how

to be human under stressful conditions and to continue to be able to

lead a team. No amount of training, nor skills or knowledge can

prepare you for such emotions. Life throwing you curve balls and you

need to make a choice. Pick up the balls and run again or drop them

and walk away.

Crying is an essential human emotion. We cry in pain, we cry in joy.

I am not afraid to admit I cried last night. I cried a lot. I cried

in front of the crew team. I could not stop crying because the loss

and the pain was too deep. Should I have not cried? Should I have not

cried in front of the crew team? Should I have hidden my loss, my

pain, my sadness? What is the right or wrong thing to do? I was just

being human.

Commandership is not just about being a strong, courageous leader, or

pretending to be some Superhero model image to the crew team. One

thing I do know is that death is a tough subject to experience on

Earth and especially on Mars. Death is a subject humans never really

want to bring into their consciousness or talk about until it hits you

in the face!

The question I ask myself is there a difference in how men and women

express their grief and sadness? Is it wrong to show your grief or to

cry like a child in front of the crew team? What is the right thing to

do when you are faced with such intensity of sadness and pain and the

sense of hopelessness suffocating your every breath and thought for

that moment in time…you move on…right?

One truth I did really discover from this experience is the strength

of this crew. They have shown me that we are not only a team of

colleagues and professionals working together in this mission but we

are also discovering our friendship and learning to trust and respect

one another. I think that the test of true bonding of any team is how

they react to situations like this. It is the compassion, caring and

kindness that we all have inside of us. That was the REAL strength of

this crew. It is the real human condition, the authenticity and the

uniqueness of be human being that really matters…whether we live on

Earth or on Mars.

I dedicate this Commander’s Report to my crew team. Your collective

kindness and compassion I will always remember for the rest of my

life. Now starts the healing and letting go….Ad Astra!

Life is a Gift and we must cherish it.